The Last week

July 10, 2010

Ok, I am back at it or at least trying. I had coffee with a friend of mine today and we were both commenting about how much writing takes out of us. I don't know if I am strange in this regard, but really, I have wanted to be updating my blog for the past year, but when it came down to it I never had the energy. Well, today I do. I think having some things in my life getting settled, with lots of others still up in the air, unknown. Whatever the reason, I am going to blog again today.

I have toyed around with different structures and styles of blogging and I think for me, the best is doing one week at a time. So here goes. My week.

We started off the week with our nations independence day. This is not the first, nor will it probably be the last time I celebrated the 4th of july outside of the U.S. This year, Cecily (my fiancee) and I celebrated by relaxing. We had thrown a big engagment party the night before and we just relaxed all day Sunday. We had lunch with some friends, went back and each took naps. Then we headed off to the beach to visit another friend and catch the sunset. It was a nice end to a very relaxing day.

Monday we had small group, as we do every week, this week it was at a couple's flat that is new to our group, they are from Liverpool and have the great Liverpool accents. Our small group has been breathed into with new life in the recent month. We have added 5 new people, 2 couples and 1 single. I love our group all the more. We have always had a transitional group, but through that the coming and going, the spirit of the group has remained, open, honest and supportive. We have good discussions about the Bible, faith, theology, our lives and then we always come around each other in prayer to end the evening. It really is a special time and one that is a lift to myself.

Tuesday we had the third of our four premarital counseling appointments. This one was a bit more intense than the other two, mainly because we went through the Premarital inventory that we each filled out. Question by question we went through our strengths as a couple, and our weaknesses, we went through our personal triumphs and failures. Even though Cecily and I had discussed most of these things before, I realized we had not discussed them in quite a while and I think some things that were starting to get buried have been dug up, thankfully, but now we need to keep working on them, and celebrating them as well. Needless to say, this was a draining meeting for both of us. Thankfully though Holland beat Uruguay that evening and all was good...wink*

Actually, we were both tired, and Cecily left on Wednesday for Poland for 4 days. The time apart has not been easy, but I am always a fan of time apart, with in reason. I miss her terribly, but both of us have had time to think and pray. Even though we talk on the phone a couple times a day, the separation is good.

While Cecily is in Poland living the dream, I am back here in The Hague. To celebrate my bachelorhood for a couple days I decided to eat some bad spinach and get food poisoning. Yes, this was not a good idea, but I did it anyway, and I paid for it dearly. I do not like getting sick and stomach sickness is the worst for me. Thursday I was sick all day, but I toughed it out till about 5pm, then I had had enough, and gave up, cancelled my evening appointments and just rested. Something I probably should have done at the beginning of the day, but if I did that then I wouldn't be stubborn now would I?

Friday I felt much better, but still was really weak, not have eaten anything for 24 hours. I spend the day getting my strength back. And what a better way to spend your time when sick, than watching movies. I watched two really thought provoking movies, “Unthinkable” (which you better have a strong stomach to watch) and “The Good Shepard” (no, not the one with Matt Damon, but the one with Christian Slater). “Unthinkable” was a movie that addressed a specific ethical question, basically, if millions of people's lives are at stake, it is ok to do anything to save them? Good question. “The Good Shephard” was about a priest who through a series of regrettable events re-discovers why he became a priest. Both of these movies cause me to think personally in very different ways.

The first was about the nature of truth, belief, and knowledge. Wrestling with what I know to be true, with what others know to be true, and how the relates, does it relate, yes the wonderful abstract questions of life. Is there a God? Well, there is and I believe I know who God is, and I believe that God is truth. I guess that settles that...

The second movie caused me to think back to the beginning of Seminary. Why did I go to Seminary, why have I become a Missionary? Where is my ministry going? What does God want me to do? I wrote down two questions in my notebook: 1) What is my fear? 2) Where is my doubt? I think with all the has gone on in the past 9 months, I have not been examining myself in certain areas. Along with writing I have not had a lot of energy to do lots of things I want to. Not that I regret moving to the Netherlands, or getting engaged or working through personal problems, but I severely underestimated their toll on me. So, like more people out of seminary I ran into the mission field with guns-a-blazing, only to be pulled down to earth very quickly.

Unlike the character of Christian Slater, I haven't had a series of regrettable events to wake me up. I have had tough times, be sure of that, but for me, the good things have drained me. I think for me this has always been something I struggled with. I expect the bad then good happens and I have such a hard time excepting it. Don't get me wrong I except it and deal with it. This is not a cry for sympathy or pity. I have had a great life, hands down. My question is why can't I except that fact, what is it that is keeping me from entering into the good things without hesitation?