I returned from CAI's staff conference very excited, but as I flew home, I began to get very anxious about the possibility of leaving my family and friends. At the conference I asked everyone I met, "what was the hardest thing about moving to Europe?" They all said, leaving family and friends. The next month, as the summer ended and school started, this anxiety grew. I began to talk with my parents and our missions pastor at Woodlandhills Church (Steve Schmidt). He gave me some good advice about making such a decision and that was to get a prayer group.
I did this over the course of the next week, I got a group of people to start praying for me around this decision. As obvious as this seems, it was great advice and I credit this with leading me to where I am. If I hadn't had people praying for me, I don't think I would have had the strength to make this decision.
As I started school, I had a very hard fall quarter (Greek and Hebrew at the same time), so there was not a lot of time to reflect on what I was going to do. The decision, as important as it was, seemed to linger in the background of my life, which was being consumed by past participles and qal imperfects. During this time I had a lot of behind the scenes prayer support from friends and relatives. At this point I want to give a special thank you to the Mom's in Touch group at Minnehaha Academy, your prayers have meant a tremendous amount to me and I am so happy to know that you all are supporting what God is doing through me.
The quarter pressed on and the work load got harder and harder, moving to Europe seemed a distant dream that was going to stay there. As the quarter came to a close we rolled right into the Christmas season and all the business that comes with that. It was around this time, that I began to meet with people who had been praying for me. One after the other, said, you have to do what God is calling you too. Not telling me what the calling was, but I knew, in my heart I knew.
It is a funny thing, I have never lived outside of Minnesota, my whole life has been in this glorious state, lakes, trees, rivers, lutefisk, I really do love it here. When I came to the reality that I would be moving away, even for just 9 months, everything became a sentimental experience, Christmas with my family, my cousin's run in the high school hockey tournament (Go Hornets), New Year's Eve, these are all things that I have done with friends and family. I was coming face to face with the reality that things are going to change.
You see right now, everything is known to me. I know that at Christmas there will be good food and a great family around, I know that in February one of my cousin's will be playing hockey somewhere, and I know that on St. Patrick's day, Jason, Chris, Jesse, Anna and whoever else comes, will go and have a great time pretending we are irish for a day. These things I know. At this point I am being confronted with the unknown, going to Holland. The unknown is what caused me the most stress. I know this is what God is calling me too and I am going to go, but the anxiety comes from not knowing what is there.
Over the last couple of months I have received support from friends and family that has helped to solidify this decision to move to Holland and follow God's call. I never knew how important it was to get the affirmation of your family and those praying for you. Everyday I thank God for the people in my life who pray for me and encourage me to follow him. This last year has been a shift in my life, a huge shift. I believe that the anxiety I am feeling now, will get worse as september comes, and my sentimental love of this state and all it has to offer will reach ridiculous levels, I don't care. I believe it show the depth of love I have for what God has given me so far, and I know that God has laid a foundation for what is next in my life. That is the unknown.
